Sayings of Diogenes

(c. 412- c. 323 B.C )

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A student of philosophy, eager to display his powers of argument, approached Diogenes, introduced himself and said, "If it pleases you, sir, let me prove to you that there is no such thing as motion."  Whereupon Diogenes immediately got up and left.

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A disciple asked Diogenes, "What is the main reason for wearing a cynics robe and the begging bowl?"

"So as not to deceive oneself." 

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Diogenes was knee deep in a stream washing vegetables. Coming up to him, Plato said, "My good Diogenes, if you knew how to pay court to kings, you wouldn't have to wash vegetables."

"And," replied Diogenes, "If you knew how to wash vegetables, you wouldn't have to pay court to kings."

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Later, Plato was asked what he thought of Diogenes. "A Socrates gone mad," he replied.

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Diogenes was once invited to dinner by a wealthy man. During the evening, one of the guests became so outraged by Diogenes' general behaviour that he began to throw bones at him, calling him a "dog." Whereupon Diogenes got  up, went to the guest, cocked up his leg and urinated on him.

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Often when he was begging, Diogenes would be spat on by the people who passed him. Diogenes would ignore this and simply wipe his face with his sleeve. When ridiculed for his passive behaviour, Diogenes said, "Since men endure being wetted by the sea in order to net a mere herring, should I not endure being sprinkled to net my dinner?"

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Diogenes stood outside a brothel, shouting, "A beautiful whore is like poisoned honey! A beautiful whore is like poisoned honey! A beautiful whore . . . ". Men entering the house threw him a coin or two to shut him up. Eventually Diogenes had collected enough money and he too went into the brothel.

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Diogenes was asked why he always begged. "To teach people," replied Diogenes. "Oh yes, and what do you teach?" people would ask him scornfully.  "Generosity", he replied.

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Diogenes was once asked why he took money from people. "To show them how they ought to spend their money," he replied.

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Diogenes was asked, "Tell me, to what do you attribute your great poverty?"

"Hard work," he replied.

"And what advice can you offer the rich?"

"Avoid all the good things in life."

"Why?"

"Because money costs too much. A rich man is far poorer than a poor man."

"How can that be?"

"Because poverty is the only thing money can't buy."

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Whenever people complimented Diogenes, he would slap himself hard across the face and in self-reproach would cry, "Shame! I must have done something terribly wicked!"

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On one bright, clear day, Diogenes was walking up and down the market place, holding a lighted lantern high in front of him and peering around as if searching for something. When people gaped and asked him what he was doing, he replied, "I am looking for an honest man."

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"It's my fate to steal," pleaded the man who had been caught red-handed by Diogenes.

"Then it is also your fate to be beaten," said Diogenes, hitting him across the head with his staff.

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A heckler in the crowd shouted out, "My mind is not made like that, I can't be bothered with philosophy."

"Why do you bother to live," Diogenes retorted, "if you can't be bothered to live properly?"

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Very few of Diogenes' disciples had the physical and mental stamina to become cynics. One in particular left the circle, but not before entreating Diogenes to give him one of his books. "You really are a silly fellow," said Diogenes. "Surely you wouldn't have painted figs instead of real ones. And yet you pass over the genuine practice of wisdom and would be satisfied with what is merely written."

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Someone once asked, "Tell me Diogenes, what does a wise man look like?"  At once, Diogenes straightened himself up and stroked his beard.

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Diogenes was gathering figs and had just filled his bag when a stranger came along the road. "I wouldn't touch this fruit! A man hung himself from the tree just the other day," warned the man, obviously believing the tree to be cursed.

By way of answer, Diogenes sank his teeth into the fig he was holding.  Sucking, as one would suck venom from a wound, he proclaimed, "Thus I purify the tree."

Agog, the man stood there marvelling while Diogenes walked off.

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Passing a stream, Diogenes saw a boy drinking out of his hands. "A child has beaten me in simplicity," he said, throwing away his cup.

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A young man contemplating marriage sought advice from Diogenes. "Should I marry?"

"Marriage is too soon for a young man"

"Would you have me wait then until I am old."

"Oh no, Marriage is far too late for an old man."

"What am I to do then? I love the girl."

"Love is a luxury no one can afford. It is for those who have nothing better to do."

"What should we be doing then?"

"Seek freedom. But it is not possible to be free if you have a wife and children."

"But having a wife and family is so agreeable."

"Then you see the problem, young man. Freedom would not be so difficult to attain were poison not so sweet."

"You mean to be free is to be alone?"

"We come into the world alone and we die alone. Why, in life, should we be any less alone?"

"To live, then, is terrible."

"No, not to live, but to live in chains."

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Asked about his worst nightmare, Diogenes said, "Waking to find myself living in a palace and everyone else in barrels."

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Diogenes was walking backwards across the Agora, affecting a studied indifference to all who laughed at him. Finally, when he had collected a large following he stopped and announced, "You are laughing at me walking just a little distance backwards while you all lead your entire lives arse-about."

"And what's more," he asked, "can you change your way of living as easily as this?" Whereupon, he turned on his heel and walked off in normal fashion.

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Diogenes was asked, "What is the difference between life and death?

"No difference."

"Well then, why do you remain in this life?"

"Because there is no difference." 

 

 
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